Humans of Agni

Jordan, Fredericksburg

"I’m hoping growing from two to three [kids] isn’t as difficult, because going from one to two was so hard. We had help at first... Kohen was born in February, so for his first six weeks we had help and just when we were thinking things might start getting back to normal, quarantine hit. That really took away the privilege of having help, so that made the transition from one to two that much harder. I had two under 2 for a while because they’re only 20 months apart.

My husband is a firefighter and works 24 hours shifts, so a lot of times it felt like I’d just have this full, long day to get through.

With our first, Kai, it felt like we were never on a schedule. Our approach was very go with the flow — whatever I did, he did. But when Kohen came along, I said I absolutely needed a schedule. I couldn’t imagine doing that with two babies, so having some structure made a big difference. But even with trying a schedule, every few months kids change. Once you feel like you understand their schedule, you get a little bit of confidence back and are like “Ok I got this, I can do this. I’ll do this chore while they’re having nap time.” And then they grow and change and maybe their nap times need to shift or they’re ready for fewer naps. Right now Kai is transitioning from two naps to one nap a day, so we’re relearning everything all over again. Right when you think you’ve got the flow down and it’s not so bad, they’re onto something new. 

I’m hoping with the third we’ll feel more prepared. When she’s born Kai will be almost 3 and Kohen will be 1 and 3 months — there’s always something going on in this house!

I’ve noticed throughout all my pregnancies that I have a lot more food aversions than cravings, which people don’t talk about as much. With my first two, the only thing I really ever craved was bagels with cream cheese, but in general I was more in the mood for salty foods. This time around, with a girl, I’m leaning more toward sweeter cravings when I do have them. I know my mom said she had different cravings with me and with my brother. With my brother, her go-to was a peanut butter milkshake and that’s always been one of my brother’s favorite treats.

Foods that I used to eat regularly start to sound disgusting when I’m pregnant, and I wasn’t expecting that. I usually love eggs for breakfast, but during the first trimester the smell of eggs really grossed me out. When my husband was home he would still make his morning eggs and I’d have to go to the other room because I could not bear to smell them! These changes were mentally challenging for me. Small things too, like I love coffee and wanted to want it, but I could not handle the taste or smell at all when I was pregnant. My aversions also didn’t just go away overnight. After my first pregnancy, I learned that eventually they would go away but it can take time, so I would mentally let some of those foods go and then return to them again after a few months. It’s so interesting how much pregnancy changes your preferences and how your body reacts to certain things.

I didn’t have a lot of close friends who had experienced any of this yet because I’m a little on the younger side, 24. I’ve got my mom, but a lot has changed since she’s been through this herself! My advice is to find a mom community or even just a few mom friends that have either already gone through something very similar to what you’re going through or who can really relate to you at this moment. I didn’t have that with my first, and I felt very isolated at times. Even the mom Facebook groups that some people laugh at can feel so nice — a space to be able to connect with others and know you’re not alone. You may not agree with all the advice or opinions that every mom shares, but you can learn from it all and tweak it to however you want to parent and get through motherhood yourself.

I found a lot of friends like this during quarantine, and that’s also when I started sharing more on Instagram. I found that “mom community” — others going through the same moments as me. It was nice to be able to relate to others who have kids that are the same age as mine. Not every day is beautiful, but we get through it, together." 

To meet Jordan and learn more about her story, click here.

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