Hello beautiful beings in the Agni community,
February is here. For me, February used to coincide with what I now fondly call my “resolutions come down.” I used to bust into January resolved to hold myself to a vast number of prescriptive behaviors for the year ahead: not eat a single gram of refined sugar, strictly monitor intake of certain foods, and/or run a certain number of miles, just for example.
And then, come February, I’d have to reconcile that I’d enjoyed some birthday cake. That a really beautiful hike with family had gotten in the way of the marathon training. That I’d dropped the carb or sugar or whatever I was counting completely.
At first, this was another opportunity to self-flagellate. To tell myself that if I was only a little more disciplined, a little less indulgent of my own wants, I could turn into the grain-free, feelings-free, beautiful, productivity robot I (thought I) wanted to be.
But as I’ve been present with more Januarys and Februarys, something has shifted in me. Perhaps I’m taking my cue from the wise women around me who have shifted how they relate to New Year’s, to restriction and obligation, and to themselves. Perhaps I grew tired of trying to speak over the voice that was patiently, calmly, persistently reminding me that planning my life around how many vegetables and how few carbs I could consume was not my purpose on this planet.
Whatever the cause, my aspirations each January began to evolve. Instead of setting a list of OKR-style resolutions around how I would micromanage my mind and body, I found myself setting intentions about who I wanted to become and what I actually value.
- I will go 1 month without refined flour or sugar.
- I won’t eat after 8pm.
- I will wake up at 5am to exercise everyday.
- I will nourish myself with food, hydration, and movement.
- I will prioritize rest.
- I will act with compassion.
What I understand to have changed the most is my level of trust for myself. Requiring myself to follow so many rules stemmed from a lack of trust. I was saying to myself: “I don’t believe that you’ll do the right thing in each future situation, so let me proactively make the choice for you.” I’ve learned to trust myself. To believe in my decisions, to trust that I will look at each situation and know in my body and in my soul what is best and right and good for everyone involved. Sometimes it means saying “no thank you” to dessert when I’m full. But sometimes it means enthusiastically accepting cake at a birthday party. Sometimes it’s waking up at 5am for the yoga and meditation that I know will energize and inspire me throughout my day. Sometimes it’s letting my body rest and sleeping in until my toddler tells me it’s time to get up.
Trusting self. This is infused in what we believe in and are building at Agni. It’s what we want to say to you with each bite or sip of Agni: we trust you. You can trust you. To know what feels right and nourishes you. And it doesn’t have to look like willpower or rigidity.
So we invite you this February to choose trust. To choose yourself. To listen to your deepest, most heartfelt desires and not the desires of others around you. To know that, if given the nourishment, rest, and space, all of your actions will align with your desires naturally. Trusting yourself is a way of loving yourself, so here’s to another form of self-love this Valentine’s month.
May you have a fluid, fulfilling, nourishing, trusting, month, year, and years to come,
With so much belief in you,
Astrid + Team Agni